I Never Told You
by Beezlebub
Summary: Draco reflects on mistakes made in the past. Slash. Draco’s viewpoint. One-Shot.


Title: I Never Told You

Author: BeezlebubDisclaimer: None of these characters belong to meRating: pg-13Pairing: Harry/Draco

Warnings: Contains slash and major character death. If this isn't your thing, then don't read it.

Summary: Draco reflects on mistakes made in the past. Slash. Draco's viewpoint. One-Shot.

I never told you

_Silence never speaks for itself_

There are many things you don't know about me. I speak French fluently, having been trained at a very young age to do so.

I saw my great uncle die in front of me when I was nine. I saw his flesh quiver and burn before slowly turning pitch black by the flames. For hours I watched them torture him. Father said it was part of my training in becoming stronger. Mercy is a weakness.

I never told you how I spent my teenage years at the manor torturing small animals and often house elves at my fathers command.

You probably knew though. You always knew. The way you would sometimes look at me with pity in your eyes. I loathed it. I didn't want your pity. I didn't need it. It was I who pitied you.

You had grown up in an artificial world. You had never been in the real world. It wasn't all chocolate and roses. You believed in the love of your friends and those around you.

But what is love? It's a weakness. A weakness that my father had taught me at an early age about.

This weakness is to become my undoing.

I never told you how I used to watch you down by the lake. At midnight every night you would come down to sit by the old oak and ponder whilst watching the silver glint of the moon bouncing off the water

I never told you how I used to admire how the night breeze gently ruffled your hair, making it look even more disheveled than normal. I used to wonder what you were thinking about. Now I realise you must have been thinking about the war that was steadily approaching.

I never told you that I loved you. It happened during the Triwizard tournament during our fourth year. I had been so worried when you didn't come up from the murky depths of that lake. I thought I'd lost you.

From then on I tried to avoid you as much as possible. I was always overly jealous of the Weasel and Mudblood. They got to spend all day by your side. I closed off my feelings for you from then on.

Love is a weakness. Even though I could say it I could not feel it.

I lie here now, drenched and covered in mud, waiting in silence for the footsteps ahead to pass. A lone tear makes its way down my cheek and I instantly wipe it away. Malfoys don't cry.

The battle is over. The Boy Who Lived has destroyed the Dark Lord. The tattoo on my left arm still burns painfully now and then. I had hoped it would have disappeared with my Lord's diminish.

I probably should have agreed to become a spy that day when that fool Dumbledore summoned me to his office. I, however, pretended I didn't know what he was talking about and demanded that I be left alone. Dumbledore just looked at me with that sad look in his eyes which I find I have been getting quite often.

So here I am now. Draco Malfoy _hiding_ from the Ministry of Magic. Hiding in an underground cave once inhabited by the giants.

My father and the others were caught right after the Dark Lord was defeated. The last I heard most of them have been put in Azkaban. My father, however, was given the dementor's kiss as he was of the inner circle. I do not mourn him.

I mourn for the one person who put me in this position. The one person who I love. I was able to steal a copy of the Daily prophet a week back and what it said there shocked me to the core.

It turns out that the Dark Lord's soul was in a way connected to Potter's. When one dies so does the other. Harry Potter is currently at St. Mungos. Dying. The fools have tried to help, but of course it's useless.

Love is a weakness, but I can't feel it. The only thing I regret now is that I never told you how I felt. Maybe things would have turned out differently if I had.

I made a decision that day. I used some of the invisibility potion I had in storage and put an untraceable spell on myself. I made my way to the one place I wanted to be at at the moment: St. Mungos.

It was very crowded in there. I had to be very careful not to step on anybody's feet. I made my way to the room they had mentioned in the newspaper. When I got there the door was ajar and I could see the Mudblood and the Weasel sitting by his bed. Unbelievably, they were asleep. Not that it came as a shock. The paper had said they had been by Potter's bedside day and night.

I saw that Potter was awake and eyeing his best friends with pain in his eyes. He looked so small in the big hospital bed. I'll never forget how he looked that day. His hair was pasted to his forehead by his sweat and he was shivering feverishly.

I walked up to him and removed the invisibility. He looked up at me but didn't say a word. He just smiled. It was a sad smile, but it was there all the same. I opened my mouth to say how I felt but froze. I froze up completely. I couldn't do it. After all my father's lessons I couldn't bring myself to show weakness.

So instead I smirked and slowly walked away from the dying boy. I drank more invisibility potion and ran from the hospital.

I was afraid Potter would tell them I'd been there. That he'd send the Aurors after me. But they never came.

I did the half-day journey back to my cave to hide.

Regret. It's a strange word. What do I regret in my life? There are several mistakes I've made which I'd be glad to undo. But one cannot. There is no point in regretting anything.

I never told you I loved you that day at St. Mungos. It is the thing I regret the most. The world has heard the news. The Boy Who Lived lives no longer. He passed way. I now live in darkness. Hidden from the world. Could things have been different? Yes, probably. But do I want them to be?

I have been taught from a very young age that strength is power and that love is weakness.

It was my code to conduct; my guidelines when growing up. But what do I have now, Harry? Nothing. Except my regret

Because I never told you.

_Silence never speaks for itself; you must use words_

Fin.

A/N: Yeah, I know. Kind of depressing. It's my first fanfic so please review. Criticism is very welcome.


End file.
